Ever feel frustrated when you attempt to help loved ones make better lifestyle choices, and they have no interest in listening? This can be a tough subject, but I wanted to share some really effective tips on how you can navigate this.
Keeping the communication channels open is key to fostering positive changes in our relationships. We'll show you how to effectively communicate your desired changes, and help you understand how to adjust your communication strategies based on where the other person is in their own behavior change journey. We also chat about the importance of setting boundaries and acknowledging our limitations. We'll guide you on how to do this, and emphasize the importance of acting as a source of inspiration rather than a force for change.
* * * * * * * * *
Shop our apparel! --> Love Your Body Now
Follow us on Insta: @loveyourbodynow.podcast
Ever feel frustrated when you attempt to help loved ones make better lifestyle choices, and they have no interest in listening? This can be a tough subject, but I wanted to share some really effective tips on how you can navigate this.
Keeping the communication channels open is key to fostering positive changes in our relationships. We'll show you how to effectively communicate your desired changes, and help you understand how to adjust your communication strategies based on where the other person is in their own behavior change journey. We also chat about the importance of setting boundaries and acknowledging our limitations. We'll guide you on how to do this, and emphasize the importance of acting as a source of inspiration rather than a force for change.
* * * * * * * * *
Shop our apparel! --> Love Your Body Now
Follow us on Insta: @loveyourbodynow.podcast
there's probably going to be conflict, especially if you are trying to push this on someone who is not in the same stage of like a behavior change as you are, and that is like something to really make sure that you are aware of that. There are a lot of different levels to this, and one of them could even be someone could be in a what is called a pre-contemplation stage. Welcome to the love your body now podcast, the podcast for women who are ready to feel confident in their body right now and Redefine what health looks like for them. I'm Savannah, your host, and together We'll be having conversations about what it means to accept and love our bodies now, while simultaneously prioritizing our health journey. We'll be debunking beliefs that do not serve us and diving into Misconceptions and unhealthy narratives in the fitness world, so that we can rebuild our foundation from a place of self-love. Hello, welcome back to the love your body now podcast. If you are someone who listens regularly, thank you so much for tuning into the podcast and today's episode. I appreciate you so much and, if you are new here, I'm so glad that you found the podcast and I hope that today's episode gives you what you're looking for, and be sure to Check out other episodes so you can see if this is something you want to add into your regular listening cue.
Speaker 1:So today, where Matt is, it is such a dreary day today it is a Sunday afternoon and it has been rainy all day and, if I'm being completely honest, I have been pretty much on the couch all day long. Granted, I have been being productive with other things that I can get done on my laptop. However, I have just been super lazy today, and I think part of that is definitely the weather, which tells me that if this were the weather where I lived all the time, I don't think that I would do too well, because it's crazy how much that the weather impacts our moods and our productivity. But I'm glad that it is a Sunday and not a day that I have to go into the office for work, because that would make it much harder. I've noticed that on days that it is dreary like this and I have to go into the office, it is just such a different feel To going into the office and trying to get work done when the weather is like this. So that has been my Sunday afternoon so far.
Speaker 1:But I want to jump into today's episode, which is all about how how to Navigate and handle different relationships that may be hindering your health goals, and not even just Stop at health goals, but maybe your personal growth goals your personal growth journey. I want to really dive into this subject because if you listen to this podcast Regularly, you most likely are on some kind of journey, whether you are trying to improve your confidence in your body and really trying to develop a healthier relationship with your body and Become healthier and figure out what that looks like it means for you. Or maybe you are someone who is just really trying to level up your mindset and be kinder to yourself and when we go on these journeys especially journeys where we have never gone before it is a challenge navigating them. And it can also be a challenge Navigating them and sticking to them. When we are around people who maybe we've been around for a really long time and you know we have our ways of acting around them. We have our habits of what we do together regularly and Sometimes, when we decide that we want to make a change, it can be a challenge if the habits that you have with other people or just the demeanor of the relationship really doesn't align with the direction that you're looking to go, or Maybe there is some tension Within that relationship, depending on, like, how close you are with this person, and I just want to talk about that and open up the conversation, because I've been there before and I know how challenging it can be navigating that and not really knowing how to have conversations with people who are not on the same path or the same journey as you. And let's dive into it. In the scenario that you are maybe trying to really focus on your health journey whether you are starting to eat better and you want to buy healthier groceries, and Maybe you want to start eating out less and maybe you even want to start working out more go to the gym, whatever it may be, and maybe you are the only one in your household who is attempting to make this change Obviously, our environment is a huge factor of our personal success, so that is something, first of all, to be super hyper aware of that.
Speaker 1:Whatever environment that you are in, whether we are talking about your household or talking about your friend group we're talking about your work, whatever it may be just know that, that environment that you are in on a regular basis, it is going to affect you and it is going to influence you. Like you can be the best at discipline in the world, and you will still be influenced by your environment. It is just in our nature, it is normal, so just having that hyper awareness that Whoever you surround yourself with you are more likely going to adopt how they behave Over time if you are Like open to that and like around them very often. So just know that that is something that is going to happen, especially if you are not aware of it. The other thing to think about is how you are, I guess, like communicating these new habits that you are looking to adopt. So let's say that you are, you are married to your partner or your spouse or whatever, and you decide that you are going to start your health and fitness journey and let's say that they are not in that mindset. Something to Understand, and this is also going to be different for every single person, especially with your situation.
Speaker 1:But there is a factor when it comes to people making change, and there are these, basically these different levels of where someone can be at in their state of wanting to make a behavior change. And If you are someone who is actually taking action and making plans, then you are going to be in a stage of Change where you are either in a preparation phase or you are in an action phase or maintenance phase, and this is just understanding psychology and human behavior at a basic level. And if you are trying to influence, let's say, your husband or your wife to Make the same changes in behavior that you are in the middle of doing or ready to do, and you don't understand the stages of behavior change You're probably going to, there's probably going to be conflict, especially if you are trying to Push this on someone who is not in the same stage of like a behavior change as you are, and that is like something to really make sure that you are aware of that. There are a lot of different levels to this and one of them could even be Thank you for watching. Someone could be in a what is called a pre-contemplation stage, and what this basically means is that they are nowhere even in the mindset of even thinking that their lifestyle or their current actions, how they're living their life, is even a problem right now. And obviously we can't go to that person and say you have a problem, you need to make this change, and expect them to be in a mindset of like, oh yeah, you're right, like I do need to make this change. So, understanding the person that you are going to be around if you are in this specific situation, kind of understanding the stage of behavior change that they're in is going to be helpful, especially if you are really wanting to influence them in a in a in the most effective way. Because if you are trying to influence someone in a way that is only making them mad, making them feel like you are attacking them, like you are cornering them and making them feel like everything they do is wrong, that is not the right way to get someone to do what you want. And I don't say that in a way that's like, oh, let's manipulate them, but there is a psychology to human behavior and you know really kind of leading someone to make changes and make decisions based on what you are trying to influence them to do. There's a lot of psychology behind it and if you don't understand the changes of behavior that they are in, then you are not even going to like, they're not going to hear you at all.
Speaker 1:So, understanding that there is the pre contemplation stage, which basically means that they're again, they're nowhere, even in the mindset of thinking, they even need to make a change. Then there's the contemplation stage, and this stage is where they may, like they know that they need to make a change, but they're just like not in a season of life or not again in a mindset of like, yeah, there's no way I could make that change, that type of thought process. And then there is the preparation phase. So the preparation, preparation stage, is basically like a planning stage, where they're like okay, I know, I need to make a change, I need to figure out what are the first steps in even doing this. So a lot of the times, that is like someone coming to the realization that they know that they need to make a change and they may not have any clue of where to start, so they're really trying to navigate. Where do I even start with this? Obviously, the next step in the stages of change would be action, which may be what you are currently in right now. There's two different stages that you may currently be in, but action is really like, okay, like this is happening, like I am making the changes, I'm doing things, like you're in the middle of making that change, and the next one would be maintenance. So let's say that you started making changes.
Speaker 1:Typically, if you are past like the six month mark of staying consistent with that change, then you are considered to be in a maintenance stage where it's basically it's just like your lifestyle now, like it's part of your routine, part of your habits, like it's not as hard as it was in the action stages when you were really trying to navigate and actually take those steps to keep it a habit and a routine. And then, after maintenance, there's the potential to like relapse or which that sounds really bad. But in the stages of behavior change, people go like you'll go one forward and then you'll fall back, and then you'll go one forward and then you'll fall two back. Like people navigate through these stages of changes. It's pretty normal for that to happen, especially as, like different things come up in life, like we all have different seasons that we go through and we all handle them very different, differently. So it is normal to go through the stages of change and like actually get all the way through the maintenance stage and like fall back and revert. But you know we learn things throughout each stage of behavioral change that we are able to, you know, better utilize the next time around. So that's just like a basic understanding of human behavior and someone's mindset and thought process around behavior change.
Speaker 1:So if you are someone who is trying to influence your partner or your spouse to make the changes that you are in right now and let's say you are really benefiting from the changes that you have gone on a personal growth journey, maybe you have really stepped up your fitness routine and you are feeling the effects and the benefits from this whole change and, like series of events that you've taken and like really taken action on, it does not work to make the other person that you want to do these things with, make them feel like they are in the wrong and like they, like you're, like you're trying to tell them what to do. Trust me, I've done this before. It does not work and you know I just want to give some tips on different ways that you can speak to the people around you that you care about, that you want them to go on that journey with you as well, without, without it coming across as you trying to tell them what to do or trying to like point out what they're doing is wrong, because that will never be effective. Not in the not in the best way that it could be effective. So just know that if that is your approach or your natural tendency to do, just know that there's a better way to handle it where let's just dive into it.
Speaker 1:So again, let's say that you are in the action or maintenance stage of behavior and the person that you were trying to influence is in that pre-contemplation stage where they just are like nowhere in the mindset of wanting to make any kind of change. And to keep it simple, obviously we'll just talk about it in the way of like a fitness routine or like getting involved in fitness and just like wanting to have a better, healthier lifestyle overall. And let's say that you are really in it. Like you, you'll prep all the time, you dedicate your time to working out in the mornings or whatever. Like you have your routine and you are genuinely concerned about your husband or whoever that they are not making any changes at all, and maybe you're even concerned that, not just for their health, but maybe you are concerned that you are growing at a rate that is a lot faster than they are, and maybe they're not even growing at all and you're concerned that if you can continue to grow and go on this path, that you are going to slowly grow apart, and that may be the relationship. Like it'll lead to something where the relationship no longer like. There's like almost like a wall in between you because you are so distance from the growth that has happened.
Speaker 1:The best thing that you can do in this situation and again, this is just my tips like there's probably plenty of other people that can share their expertise and like what they recommend, but if you are wanting someone to do the things that you are doing, then the best thing that you can do is talk about how you've noticed the impact in your life in a way that they may not see it. And what I mean by this is like not just saying things like oh yeah, like I did my workout, I feel amazing after my workout. Like going deeper than that and saying you could say something along the lines of like my back no longer hurts, like I've noticed that I no longer have back pain because and I think it's because of this workout that I do whatever every single week. Or maybe you could mention the fact that you are sleeping a lot better throughout the night, and because you are sleeping a lot better throughout the night. You have had so much energy throughout your day and you can list out all of the things that you're able to get done throughout your day and you attribute that to the fact that you have been eating better and regularly exercising. These are all really great ways to point out that what you are doing has really impacted your life in a way that you didn't realize it would. And it's just not in a way, you're not saying it in a way that, like, let's say, they have really bad sleeping problems and you're like, well, maybe if you would try exercising then you would realize that it actually really helps with sleep.
Speaker 1:Like that is not the approach to take. It is being so subtle about when you say these things that they don't even realize that you are saying it in a way to try and influence them. You are just expressing the benefits that you have personally experienced and you're just like over the moon about it and you're excited to tell someone about it. Like that should be the approach and the way that you talk about these things, because the minute that they feel like you are sharing this information to influence them or to maybe kind of like point out something that they should be doing, they're going to instantly feel defensive and they're gonna feel like they need to defend themselves or they're feeling like you are pointing the finger at them and attacking them and making them feel like what they are doing is wrong and regardless of if someone is wrong or could be doing something in a better way, they never want to feel like that. It is like people are just naturally going to want to defend themselves and their actions, even if they know deep down that they're in the wrong or what they're doing is it the best for them?
Speaker 1:So again, just understanding that about human psychology in general, that that is a way that we can start talking about these things and even like and this is like even deeper like, let's say, you're out with friends and you guys are having a conversation and you just like start going off about it with your friends and you're not even directly telling your Person or your husband or your spouse, and you're just like talking about it to your friends and your family and Just like pointing out all of the amazing things that you're experiencing from whatever Like new things that you are doing to take care of yourself. It's like this. It's almost like making it background noise for your person. Again, it's not directed at them. You're not attacking them in any way, you're not pointing out anything to make them feel like you are targeting their actions. You are just simply expressing the Like gratitude that you have and the like just openly talking about the impact that you have noticed in your life from these things, without direct, directly pointing it at them.
Speaker 1:So these are a couple of tips that you could start to do and implement regularly and Just know that it helps for you to not have any kind of expectation from this. I know it can be really challenging to really want to Like shake this person and tell them like if you just did this, like I know, you would feel so much better, or if you just did this, like you would be so much happier, like it would solve all of these problems, but like you cannot force someone to want to make change, like you cannot do that, and the faster that you realize that, the sooner that you can let go of that expectation. And you kind of have to know like maybe this person isn't your spouse, maybe it's your parent, maybe it's your sibling, maybe it's a best friend. You kind of have to recognize what you like are willing to put up with and willing to Deal with in the relationship and if you're okay with them being on their own journey and navigating that in their own way and you've accepted that, that's like you can't change them, you can't force them to want to change. That takes a huge burden off of yourself and it starts to help you realize you know what you want out of that relationship.
Speaker 1:And that may sound kind of mean or bad, but like there are some relationships that I have with people that it's like you know I don't feel the need to cut off this relationship because I'm not, you know, around it that much, but like I know that here are the things that I can expect from this relationship and I'm just going to accept the fact that that's, that's all I'm gonna get. You know, maybe I want more, what I used to want more from this relationship, but you know I can't I can't make that person change. I can't make them give me what I wanted from this relationship and I just I've accepted that and then I learned to try and love them for who they are and where they're at right now and Just let that, that, let that be the expectation, rather than me Hoping and wishing for specific expectation from this relationship and never getting it, and then always feeling frustrated. I've come to the realization like, okay, I'm just not going to expect those things anymore and I'm going to find the things that I love about this person and for how they are right now and really just have gratitude in that, and that can be your way of Thinking about certain relationships. Or you can also be like you know what, like I feel like this relationship is really holding me back and I I can't get over that hump of it not holding you back. And sometimes that's the case too in relationships and you've got to understand yourself enough to know what you need in Order to get to be like the version that you want to be and like get to go where you want to go with yourself. So Sometimes you do have to have that hard conversation with yourself and figure out what, what is going to be best for you. So that is just kind of like what I have to say about being in that situation where maybe you are on a path of growth and someone is not even close to where you are now. Sometimes it can be very different if you are, let's say that you are again in that action stage, in that maintenance stage, and the person that you want to come with you is Maybe they're in contemplation stage or maybe they're in preparation stage.
Speaker 1:Again, it's going to be the same concept of how you speak to them and in what way. If someone is in pre contemplation or, excuse me, in contemplation, then they are thinking about it like you, maybe you've been, maybe you've noticed They've been in pre contemplation and you've been doing the things that I just shared doing. While they're in pre contemplation, which is just sharing how it's impacted you, and they're starting to realize, oh, like, maybe I do need to make a change, but they're not quite there yet. It's important not to feel the need to rush them, especially when they are not in the stage of change that is like, right, like you know, ready to take action, which is why it's so important to understand what stage that they're in, because you definitely do not want to push them out of contemplation. So if someone's in contemplation, I would just say to continue doing what you've been doing and then maybe, if, like, they're open to it, again, you kind of have to read their behavior and read how they're interpreting things that you say and Making sure that they're not taking it personally. You can start to kind of point out like, oh, you know, like not necessarily like telling them what to do, but maybe you can kind of like direct what you've felt and like experienced a little more to them. If they're like sharing their concerns with you and maybe they are open to trying to learn more about your journey, then I think it's kind of safe to start sharing things. But again, we don't want to ever point at someone and say like this isn't how you should be doing it, especially if they didn't ask you. So read the room right. Just just really be hyper aware of their energy and their how they react to the way that you say things. Now, if they are in preparation, then this is definitely, you know, a season where you can definitely step in and start helping, but only if they want your help.
Speaker 1:Sometimes people are insecure and they don't want to feel like their friend or their wife or husband is trying to be their coach or telling them what to do. Some of them might, but other people are different, and especially if it's someone like, let's say, your husband, that for some men, like you know, they may feel insecure, with their wife trying to tell them how to do certain things with, especially with, like, an area like fitness. It can be a sensitive topic. So just understanding that you may not be the right person to guide them and help them and help get them started. Sometimes they have to navigate that by themselves and that's okay.
Speaker 1:I think for a long time, like I personally was, like very I always wanted to help people and sometimes I didn't read the room very well and I didn't realize that, like my help wasn't asked for. So that can be a hard realization sometimes is that although people may want help and they may want to start making change, they may not want yours. So again, just making sure that you're aware and not giving unsolicited advice to people. Or wait, would it be solicited advice? No, I think it'd be unsolicited, I don't know, it doesn't matter. Just don't give advice where people don't want it or don't ask for it. If they do, don't come in with, like you know, if someone asks for advice, like stay calm, like don't overwhelm them.
Speaker 1:I think that that can be a huge tendency for people who really want people to make changes and then all of a sudden they overwhelm them with information or how to do things and it's like they didn't even really ask for it. You know, and that's always been my thing with people in the fitness industry, back when I was like really actively health coaching, really trying to be aware of people who came to me for help, I really just wanted to understand them and ask questions and really just hear them. You know, I think a lot of people in the fitness industry want to give the same advice to everyone who's struggling, rather than really taking the time to listen to them, listen to their needs, listen to their situation and understand where they want to go, what their goals are. Because you can't just give someone advice. You can't give the same advice out to the same people because it's not going to be reciprocated in the same way, which is why it's so important to take the time to ask a lot of questions and to understand the individual in order to give the proper advice that they may need and help them to kind of come to that own realization themselves.
Speaker 1:I think that that can be such a powerful way to coach is not really telling people what to do, rather asking them lots of questions and helping, like navigating the conversation in a way where they reveal the answers for themselves. That, in my opinion, is the most powerful form of coaching and it's also the hardest way to coach, because our natural tendencies again back to human behavior is that we want to be right, we want to be the smart person in the room, we want to be the expert, we want people, you know, we kind of want to feel idolized. It's just our natural human behavior. And so when someone comes to us and starts asking us for advice, we want to like overload with information and the knowledge that we have because we're so smart, right. But the smart thing to do would be to take a step back and really take the time to analyze and understand the situation so that you can provide advice where it's needed.
Speaker 1:But you can also ask very powerful questions for them to kind of do their own reflection from within and they will begin to reveal the answers that they need and you just be there for a little bit of guidance where they need it. I think that that is the most powerful form of coaching and influencing because, again, when we look at human behavior and understanding, like how to influence people, people want to feel right, they want to feel smart, they want to feel like they're being recognized and when you can allow them to feel those things in a way that is still guiding them in the right direction. That is how you influence people. That is how people make the changes that they need to make and feel empowered to. So I know that that was a lot and that actually really wasn't the direction that I thought I was gonna be taking this conversation, but I actually think it was a super powerful topic and I think that, the more that we can all kind of understand this process especially if we are in a season of growth and maybe the people that we love are not we can learn how to better understand the situation, and we can also learn how to better handle the situation and also be there for our loved ones in a way that maybe we just don't really know how to be, but we can still find ways to support them while also continuing our own growth journey. So that is it for today's episode.
Speaker 1:I am so glad that you tuned in today and if you have topics that you want me to cover on the podcast, please don't hesitate to reach out and DM me, either on the Instagram page or on my personal Instagram page, wherever that you hang out on social media, please feel free to reach out. And if you love the podcast or if you like to listen to it maybe you're subscribed to the channel, but if you're not be sure to subscribe, and if you could go and leave a review and rating on the podcast, that really helps the podcast get seen by more people and I just would appreciate it so much because it would be so awesome to know that someone out there is really enjoying this podcast and getting value from it. All right, I will chat with you later. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. You have no idea how grateful I am to have you as one of the love your body now listeners. If you are loving this podcast, it would mean the world to me.
Speaker 1:If you subscribed and left a review, this helps me get the message out to more women just like you, who are also committed to their journey. And if you love this episode, please be sure to share it with someone who you know needs to hear today's message. Together, we can help more women recognize their self-worth and build their confidence from a much deeper place, just like you're doing right now. Let's help change the world, one woman at a time. All right, talk to you soon, friend. This is Sharon with Helen Brain and große canal.