Love Your Body Now
Love Your Body Now
Deepening Your Relationship with Others: Why Your Inner Work Comes First
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If you are craving deeper connections and relationships, this is how to get it. It may not be exactly what you expect, but this is next level advice for those who are serious about their inner work.
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Hello, welcome back to another video. If you are watching this, I am in my car because I just really wanted to spend this time right now, during this time of day, outside to just like get some sunlight. The weather is really nice. It is a little windy, but I was like you know what, I'm going to record a video and I'm gonna just do it in my car so that I can like get you know what. I'm going to record a video and I'm going to just do it in my car so that I can get a feel for the outside. I have the windows down and it's just a change of scenery for me.
Speaker 1:I am currently living with my parents in their basement. For those of you who don't know the context of that, that has to do with me and my husband relocating from out of state, so they have been super gracious of opening up their home to us while we figure out our living situation. But being in the basement I don't get a lot of sunlight. I work from home and it just is like sometimes you just need that change of scenery and, honestly, getting outside it completely impacts my mood and you probably understand exactly what I'm talking about. So that is why I'm in my car. I was like, yeah, change of scenery, we create this video that I've been wanting to create for a while now and it's just all about how to deepen your relationships with people. You know, I'll probably be giving more examples about deepening your relationships, particularly with your partner or your spouse, but this can apply to friendships and family members and just like people in your life that maybe you are really craving deeper connections in your life and you're tired of surface level relationships and just like surface level friendships that don't have any depth to them. Maybe a lot of your friendships and relationships you spend time doing things that don't really they're not really a part of your values anymore and you're just really wanting to have more meaningful relationships and do things that mean more to you and create more value in your life.
Speaker 1:And I feel like I can really speak on this because I was in that season of my life like throughout 2020 through 2022 and into 2023 just like really craving more and especially in my relationship with my husband, like really craving more connection with him and not really feeling like I had the depth of what I was craving in the relationship. I didn't really feel like I had that and I didn't know how to get it. And same goes for my family members and like just people that I like my family that I grew up with, and, for those of you who don't know my story, I moved out of state back in 2020 and didn't live anywhere near home, family or friends for a good four-ish, almost five, years, which, of course, allowed me to really learn about myself and really reconnect back to who I was. But I didn't think that I ever wanted to move back home because I thought that I had changed so much from the person that I was before I returned that I thought that if I would come back to my old environment, that I would like adapt and almost like go backwards of who I used to be, and that was one of the big fears. That I would like adapt and almost like go backwards of who I used to be and that was one of the big fears that I held on to for a really long time was like I just couldn't jeopardize or risk this, potentially losing myself again around my being like immersed back in my old environment. And I'm here to say that it is not like that at all Now that we've returned and I am a completely different person. I'm really like the people who knew me, that it's not. I'm not the same person that I was and even being back in the environment and being around people that I haven't been around on a day-to-day basis for since I was like 22, not even, like you know, I was in college during that time of my life as well.
Speaker 1:So really since high school time, of being seeing these people in my life more regularly and, if anything like things have shifted in such a positive way that I didn't realize back in the depth of my healing journey was possible, and you know that fear that I had of returning back to my old environment and my family members that knew the old version of me. It has not forced me back into the old version of me at all, but I do think that me moving away did help me really reconnect back to who I was, without any outside noise, and I know that not everyone gets that experience in their healing journey, and so I can't speak to that as in depth, because my experience was that I did really get away from everything that I knew, everything that I was comfortable with, and it really forced me to reflect on myself and really almost like build a new relationship with myself, because I really didn't have that when I first started self-discovery and self-awareness and healing, I just like really didn't have a relationship with myself at all. So it was a lot of learning that and I didn't have much of outside noise distracting me or like causing me to fall back into old patterns. And I'm sharing this for a reason because I know that a lot of people, especially like even the women that I mentor and coach in my program they've talked about this before and like we talk about this like we have this community, because not everyone in our family and our friend group and our spouses understand the level of work that we are doing on ourselves. And I think when you don't have a community or a support system that fully understands in depth of what you're really going through and doing and what you're really trying to achieve through that, we put this almost like unexpected expectation on our family members and friends to be that support level or even like we almost expect them to have the same level of we want to change. So now everyone around us, we want them to change as well and we kind of like put that pressure on them. But really it's not about them at all and to put that expectation on someone without their permission and really without them, like deciding that that's what they want as well, is selfish on our part and's really just like. That's why it's so important to be around people who are on that journey with you and that's really why I created my mentorship in the way that I did, to really emphasize community, because we need that support and part of it, part of the problem, I think, is a lot of us we put these expectations on our loved ones to go on that journey with us and they may not be in a mindset or a space to do that.
Speaker 1:And it can feel frustrating because it feels like, well, I'm doing this work and this deep inner work and part of the reason I'm doing it is because I want deeper relationships, like I want deeper connections with people. And then we get frustrated at our loved ones because they are not doing the work, and then it feels almost like an attack on us because it feels like we're doing this work for them and they're not reciprocating. So then it almost creates this feeling of resentment and again, like I'm speaking from my own experience, so I feel like I'm really equipped to talk about how you can really deepen your relationships with people in a very empowering way, because I've done it in both ways, like the empowering way and the disempowering way. So what I really want to dive into is when we are putting this pressure or this expectation on whether it's our spouse, our partner, family members, friends, to maybe, let's say, you recommend a book or a podcast to them that you feel has really impacted you in your journey, and then you go and recommend it to the person that you want to read it or listen to it or whatever, and they don't do it. And it feels almost like an attack on us, like, oh, I'm not important enough that you are doing this, but this is honestly a distraction of your own inner work and healing that you need to do, and this is probably not what you're going to expect from me, like what I'm going to be saying and what you're going to hear from me, because it is kind of like pointing the finger back at you. So anytime that you find yourself getting frustrated with I'm just going to use spouse or partner as the example, but of course, like if it's a family member or friend, insert there but anytime you get frustrated at your partner for not doing something that you wanted them to do, like, for the example.
Speaker 1:Listen to the book or the podcast that really made a huge impact on you and you feel like it would change their life if they just read it. First of all, you have to understand that they are on their own individual journey and, depending on where they are at, they may not receive the messaging that you received exactly how you received it. And that's just because we are all literally on our own individual journey and that's just because we are all literally on our own individual journey. And that is why you can read a book multiple times and get new messaging, get new things out of it during the different times that you've read it. That's why you can have a completely different experience of reading the same book. It's because you're a different person and you have a different perspective and your mind is looking for new things to learn.
Speaker 1:Now, if you give someone a book that changed your life, just know that it may not have the same effect on them, because they may not be in the same level of whatever their soul is guiding them to learn right now that they need to learn in the season that they're in, there may be different lessons and things that they have to go through before they can even hear the thing that you want them to hear. And what I like this is why, for example, when you know someone who keeps like making the same mistakes over and over and over again and it's so obvious how this is exactly how you fix the mistake, like this, and you tell them, but they don't hear you right, like you tell them this is, this is the mistake you're making, this is how you fix it, but they don't hear you or they don't apply what you are saying. That's because there are lessons that they have to learn. I just saw my dad in the background, but, anyways, that is because there are lessons that they have to personally and individually go through and learn themselves, and that's not. I keep getting distracted by my dad.
Speaker 1:Okay, anyways, it's not your responsibility to make them learn certain lessons in life, like you need to leave that to their soul and God, like those are the only two things that will really be able to help guide them. And they have to be open to learning the lesson in the first place, like their brain has to be open, like their conscious self has to be. It's not your responsibility. And I think the same goes for, like, even kids, looking at parenting and how parents raise their kids, which, like I'm not a parent yet, so I can I can't speak like too heavily on this but parents like really wanting to teach their kids stuff so that they don't have to make the same mistakes. But it's like we are on our own individual journey, like we have to go through experiences and certain mistakes for a reason, like we're on our own individual path. So it's it's.
Speaker 1:It's you have to be willing to accept that people are on their own individual journey and the more you try to force them to learn certain things, to act a certain way, like you're just, you're not, it's not going to be productive. Like someone has to be open to receiving you and that's one of the things, too that, like, if someone is sharing something with me or even, for an example, like my clients and I hear something that they're talking about a lot of the times, I'll be like are you open to feedback right now? Because, again, if I just start coaching them but they're in, not in a space to receive, that it's not going to be, first of all, it's not going to be received well and it's just going to be like I'm spitting out words that they're not ready to apply to their life. They're not ready to learn and receive yet. So you have to have enough emotional intelligence to understand and wrap your mind around this whole concept.
Speaker 1:Again, the same goes for, like, if you're trying to force your family and friends to be healthier because you decided to be healthier or you like, it's so obvious what people's habits and problems are that are keeping them stuck in achieving their health goals. But again, if they're not in that state, in that stage of change right, maybe you've heard of the different stages of change in behaviors. There's actually different stages that people go through, like different stages that people go through if they're not in that stage where they are openly ready to receive and learn and to make change, you're not going to make the impact that you are wanting to make because you can't want like. Of course you can want change for someone, you can want the best for them, but you can't want it more than them. They have to want it for themselves. So if they don't fully want it and own it for themselves, there's nothing you can do about that. So you have to be willing to accept and, kind of like, let that expectation go fully.
Speaker 1:And that's ultimately what I ended up doing as well. Because, again, like I was going on this like huge personal growth journey, like parts of me were changing and I was just like learning so much and I wanted it for everyone. I knew and I quickly realized that I can't force people to want to change just because I'm changing. I can't force people to come along with me. I can't do any of that. But here's the thing as you go on your journey and are really focused on you and nobody else, like you're just focused on your own journey people will either start to match you There'll be steps behind you, but they'll start to go like you'll be in the lead and they'll start to follow your path or they will break off completely and again like that is not your decision, it's not your business, it's not your responsibility and you have to be okay with that.
Speaker 1:You have to let that expectation go off of you and you, like you have to really give people the benefit of the doubt that they are fully capable of making change in their life, in their life. And if you have to drag them along with you. You're kind of like taking away that autonomy from them. It has to fully come from them and you have to really accept the fact that people are fully capable of doing anything that they desire making any change in their life. They are fully, 100% capable.
Speaker 1:So when you kind of like take that away from them, you're almost, in a way, like taking away their autonomy and it's like I'm just going to keep doing my thing, lead the way, and it'll inspire who it needs to inspire. Like I know that people's souls will guide them to me if they need to feel inspired, if they need to see an example of someone else making the changes that they really need in their life. Right now, I just I fully trust that God and other souls will guide them towards me and my aura and what I'm doing. If God feels like I am the person to either lead them or to spark something within them, awaken something within them, I just fully trust that and that's why I am so like I'm so in tuned with my journey and focusing on what I'm doing and really setting an example, because I know that me living my life fully and focusing on embodying the woman that is within me and really being the 10x version of myself. It's a gift to humanity. It's a gift because people who maybe are 10 steps behind me are going to see me walking in my purpose and really owning who I am and taking care of myself fully. They're going to see that and it's either going to inspire them or maybe they'll be completely closed off of it and they'll talk crap about me and like that's, you know, that's a reflection of them, that's okay, like I don't, that doesn't hurt me, that doesn't bother me, because I know that every everyone's reaction or what, how they perceive something that has everything to do with them and it has nothing to do with me. So I know that me just showing up who I'm supposed to be and how I'm supposed to show up and really fully owning my purpose, I know it'll awaken the right people that need it. So you may not have expected this topic to go the way that it has, but here's where I'm getting at Me, focusing on my relationship with myself.
Speaker 1:Right, that was what I said at the beginning of this video is a lot of this. Focus and healing and inner work started with me building a relationship with myself. Now, if you are craving deeper connections, deeper relationships, deeper friendships, meaningful conversations and not like surface level conversations with people. If that is what you are craving, you have to understand and wrap your mind around that the relationships and connections that you have with other people will only go as deep as you have gone with yourself. So if there is inner work and inner healing that you have not done, that you refuse or maybe you're afraid to go deeper with yourself and really feel emotions and process traumas and just like go, like get vulnerable with yourself. If you're not willing to do that, then just know that there will always be a cap on the relationships and the depth of your relationships.
Speaker 1:And that's something that I didn't understand until I really started embodying this version of myself where I just I used to feel very shameful, I used to feel very uncomfortable in my body and uncomfortable with myself and would people please and would water myself down depending on who I was around. And now I've really stepped into this version of myself where I just show up as my best self and I truly love who I am. I love myself and I no longer have shame in my body and that really shifts how you embody yourself and how you carry yourself and what actually starts to happen when you have done that level of work with yourself is it increases your capacity to hold more space for others. This is what I didn't understand until I started seeing proof of it happen in my life, and an example that I will give is me and my husband have always been best friends and have always gotten along really well, but we both kind of knew that at one point in our relationship things kind of felt like we were going through the emotions.
Speaker 1:And I remember, as I was going on this journey with myself and really increasing my capacity to be able to hold more space for emotions and for vulnerability, my husband started opening up in ways that I had never seen before, at least hadn't seen in a really long time. And that's what happens. When you build walls within yourself is you automatically build walls with the people around you? So if you really care about deepening your relationships with others, it requires you to deepen your relationship with yourself first and again. It really opened up capacity and space for our relationship to grow deeper, because I had torn down the walls within myself that were preventing that from happening, and it's allowed him to again, like he is growing with me even though he's not necessarily like reading the books and doing the podcast and everything like how I am in my journey but because my energy is just expanding and like my aura is increasing in frequency, like I know not everyone's going to understand the concept that I'm talking about, but it is having a natural effect on him and that's one of the things that I can't just explain that to anyone because they're not going to understand it. But that's the level of spiritual work and the level of just inner work that, when you focus on yourself and nobody else, that is the impact that it has on others. And that doesn't just go for my relationship with my husband. My relationship with my grandma and my mom have deepened as well.
Speaker 1:And you know, I was really in a space at one point in my life where I felt very uncomfortable expressing my emotions to my family members, where I just would almost like completely shut off all emotions whatsoever because I just didn't want any kind of conflict to come up. And I've been able because I've been. I've healed that part of myself that really couldn't go there. I've healed that part of myself. It has allowed them to open up parts of themselves that they haven't opened up in a while and that happens like in my presence not just my presence, but in their own journey. Like I can see it, like just from watching them and hearing them. They are growing too. And that again goes back to you. Just go in your path, like focus on you and stop focusing so much on everyone else and getting mad at everyone else because they're not doing the work too, and you get triggered by them Like no, it is about you.
Speaker 1:If you get angry at someone in your like family or just a relationship, if you get angry and you cast the blame onto them for the reason that you are angry, you're doing it wrong. You are angry because you are angry and that is for you to figure out. It is not about, like, taking out your anger on someone else. That is like the level of work that you should be doing. This is about you should be doing. This is about you. Your entire experience in life is about you and growing and increasing your capacity and your container to hold more.
Speaker 1:And if you just continue blaming others and getting angry at people and reacting and constantly saying, well, you did this to me, you did this to me, you are just casting away your. You are outsourcing your own power to other people and you will always be a victim to other people and your situations and your experiences in life. You have to take back your power and it's like, yes, get angry. Like if you're angry about something, you're a human being like. You're allowed to feel emotions and experience life. But it's not about taking your anger out on someone else. No, like you go and figure out why you were angry, because it came from somewhere, and then having like an actual conversation with someone, and maybe you don't even have to have a conversation with someone, maybe you just shift your energy and your emotional boundaries with that person.
Speaker 1:That's the level of work that I'm talking about, where this is no longer this crap where we get entangled in emotions with other people. This is really becoming the ultimate observer of your entire life, the ultimate observer of your thoughts and your emotions and your triggers and your behaviors. You just become an observer of them. You are not them, though. That's the difference and you become, you take back your control when you do that level of work, and it doesn't happen overnight, but again, really honing in on the idea that by doing this work, by going deeper with yourself by understanding yourself deeper and deeper and deeper. You continue to increase your container for other people, right, they may not be at your level, but because you are increasing your level, it is naturally increasing space for them for the relationship to deepen.
Speaker 1:I hope that this is helpful and, honestly, if you are new to my work, if you are just watching or maybe you have been watching my videos some places where you can really plug in and like get started on this deep inner work that I'm talking about I just started creating free meditation. So I just put out our first one last night and I'm going to put out another one today and I really think I'm going to put a lot of free meditations out there because, honestly, these meditations really help you take back control of your nervous system and what's going on in your body and really feeling into it and your subconscious programming, and that is honestly the foundation of everything. If you cannot reprogram, if you cannot control your nervous system or even understand what's going on in it, your capacity to be able to make changes is going to be limited. So I will link below the first meditation that I put out. Again, it's completely free and I really wanted to provide tools and resources that I feel like are of so much value that you can plug into. If you know you can't plug into one of my programs or other offers in the future, like I really want you to still be able to take away from the work that you maybe are feeling called to do. So I'll link that below If you are wanting to like maybe you're new to this and you're wanting to understand these things that I'm talking about, like where would be a good place to start?
Speaker 1:I'll also link below my private podcast series. It's five episodes and it's called Uncover and Align and it really introduces the work that I'm talking about in my videos and what we do in my programs. It really like opens the door to kind of understanding what this work really is. In case maybe you are looking for more in-depth support, I have a program called Back to you. Currently I am doing it with my basically my first live round with women, so it's not fully ready yet for access to do like self paced or if you wanted to do another live round with us. But if you are plugged into my world, whether on social media or in our email list, which again I'll link below so you can join the email list and stay up to date, but that will be coming soon. If you are looking for a very in-depth program that you can follow and really do the inner healing and the inner work to get to the level of embodiment that I'm really talking about in this video and in other videos, so make sure you're plugged into my world if that is something that in the future you may be interested in. But yeah, I hope that this video was helpful and if you ever have topic ideas that you want me to cover and go more in depth on, just let me know in the comments or send me a message, but otherwise I will talk to you later and thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1:Okay, there's one last thing that I forgot to mention before I clicked off the video, but I mentioned how you know, sometimes when we are leading the way right and either people fall off or they slowly start to follow our path in their own way. I forgot to say and mention about like friends and family specifically family that obviously we can't just like cut family out of our life, that obviously we can't just like cut family out of our life. I mean, of course you can, especially if they're super toxic and just hurtful. But I'm talking about family that you love and they're good people but they really struggle with really doing any kind of inner work. I want to just point out that it is okay to love someone as they are, even though you know the work that they should be doing or you know the things that would actually help them and help them to heal. Like you know and you can see it and it's so obvious, but for whatever reason like their ego or their fear, is really blocking them from taking the steps and doing the work it is okay to just love them as they are, and I know that that can be a hard realization.
Speaker 1:I know that that can feel very frustrating because it feels like if they would just do the work, then it would also expand your guys' relationship, right? Because, yes, we said that you deepening yourself and increasing your capacity helps create more space for other people. Obviously, if they do the same, it even deepens it even more. So, like, of course, we want our friends and family to do that, because that's part of the equation, but sometimes, like they just are not in a space to do that work and you have to get to a level with yourself where you can accept right, because we know that every single person has the capability to take ownership for themselves. And us forcing them and trying to tell them what to do they may not be open to receiving that and again, it's not our job, that is God's job and that's their soul's job to put them on the path that they need to go on, and it's not our job to force someone to make change.
Speaker 1:So sometimes you have to have the conversation with yourself or the realization that I am just going to accept this person as they are and I'm going to love them as they are. Just going to accept this person as they are and I'm going to love them as they are. And yes, I know what would make them happier and I know what would help our relationship to deepen, but again, it's not your responsibility and it's not up to you. So I just wanted to add that in there, because I know that some people are probably like, well, you know, my relationships aren't bad with so-and-so, but they just need so much inner work and it's so obvious and like, I get it, I totally get it.
Speaker 1:But sometimes it's really just about giving the love that they need and just accepting that that's just where they're at and loving them for who they are and the capacity that they are willing to go with themselves. So I just wanted to add that in there, in case maybe you have family members or people that you know that are in that position. I had to have that conversation with myself before I moved back, because I was in therapy for a while and had to work through some things, and that was one of the conversations that we did have and it really opened up my mind a lot that it's okay if certain family members don't make changes and I can still love them as they are. I don't have to, I no longer have to hold this responsibility over them and I can just let that go and I can just show up for them and love them as they are. So I hope that that was helpful and yeah, I just wanted to throw that in there real quick before I wrapped up this video.